6 simple ways to break stigma of seeking psychotherapy

1.  Be open and honest about your own issues. Just about everyone who knows me knows that I struggle with depression. I am open about my own 13 years of therapy.

2. When your children struggle with anxiety or depression, take them to a therapist. Let them know early on that this is a normal, accepted thing to do.

3.  Talk positively about psychiatry and psychology. The words, "head shrinking" or even "shrink" are negative and derogatory. Stop using them.

4.  Refuse to use the word, "crazy" to describe someone with mental illness. Correct your children or family members when they do. "That person struggles, for everyone struggles with something," is a good reply.

5. Be thankful for medical research that has provided us with antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, and psychotropics. Once human beings did not have the options we do today.

6. Watch the movies, "A Beautiful Mind," or "Lars and the Real Girl." They both tell deep, thought-provoking stories that give insight into mental disorders. "A Beautiful Mind" is especially well done at showing the distorted view of reality a person faces with a mental disorder or illness. The physician character in "Lars and the Real Girl" is beyond amazing.

How to be a friend to someone suffering from depression

I am not a medical professional and I am not giving medical advice. Please see a health professional if you think you are depressed. I am simply someone who has fought depression for 13 years.

1. Practice empathy. Even if you have never been depressed, most likely you have felt down. Imagine yourself in the other person's place. Imagine a sadness that just doesn't leave. Imagine sorrow that can't be cured by a funny movie. Try to understand. Just try.

2. Sometimes your friend might want to be alone. Do not take this personally.

3. The look on his/her face is not about you. So many times I have been accused of being angry at upset at someone simply because my face refuses to show anything but sorrow.

4. Encourage your friend to get help. This can be tricky. Try, "You deserve to live a better life and therapy can help you do that," rather than, "You are seriously screwed, you need a shrink." 

But know that you cannot make anyone do anything. It will not help if you go to a therapy session with them unless you are asked by the therapist. Offer to drive the person to therapy, yes. Offer to help them find a therapist. Offer to pick them up, yes. But you can't do it for them. 

5. Depression manifests itself in multiple ways. Sometimes my depression is not sadness, but lack of 'put up with crap' energy. Often it simply means I need more sleep. Sometimes I just feel extremely irritable. Your friend may have some or all of these symptoms if they are depressed.

6. You cannot fix them. Depression is an illness. It is not an attitude or a sign of laziness. Do not tell them to just make up their mind to be happy. This cannot be done.

7. If they threaten suicide, take them seriously. If you think they are going to hurt themselves, call 911. They may get mad, they may not be your friend anymore, but what is more important, that your friend lives, or that they speak to you?

Depression is not a sign that you have a spiritual problem. Period.

Today I read the sad sad sad news Rick Warren's son committed suicide.

I cannot imagine the pain the Warren family  is experiencing. I visited Saddleback Church in 2010 and heard Rick Warren preach. He impressed me as a man who had no problem being honest in the pulpit. The first thing he said was, "So we all have problems. I like donuts. I eat too much." Saddleback church has an amazing ministry...but I know that nothing nothing nothing will make them feel better right now.


Over the past 12 years I have struggled with depression. I have been antidepressants 11 of those years. I have had thousands of hours of therapy. When I was at my worst, some well meaning Christian friends told me that if I was truly a Christian then I would not be depressed. I was told if I praised God more then I would feel better. I was told if I read the Bible more I would feel better. I was told if I prayed more I would feel better. At the time I was a senior pastor.

I SPENT HOURS AND HOURS PRAYING, PRAISING GOD AND READING THE BIBLE.
And I DID NOT FEEL BETTER.

I spent hours begging God to make the dark shadows go away.

Even though my problem did not look physical, IT WAS PHYSICAL.

I may have looked like a healthy 20 something but inside I was dead. However, looking at pictures of myself from that time, I can see it on my face.

It was only through weekly therapy and finally antidepressants that the dark shadows gradually lightened. And when I say gradually, I mean gradually. It took about 2 1/2 years before I was 'better.' But I put 'better' lightly. I was never the same and I have never been the same.

Depression still lurks in the darkness. It is an ongoing mental illness that for some, like me, is never 'cured.' It is ongoing struggle that sometimes affects my spiritual life but has nothing to do with how much faith I have.

Through therapy and the support of my family and friends I have learned how to take care of myself to make sure I never hit the bottom again. The plan of self-help may be different for every person. This is what works for me.

I am not a health care professional and I am NOT GIVING MEDICAL advice.

 If you THINK YOU ARE depressed, SEE YOUR DOCTOR.

1. I stay on my antidepressants. I have never tried to go off of them. I see absolutely no shame in taking  a pill a day. If you are on antidepressants, NEVER EVER take yourself off of them without a physician's supervision. Some people only need a short term prescription to get them back on their feet, but I have never ever wanted to return to the person I was before them, so I don't see the need to go off of them.

2. I see a therapist regularly. The first therapist I saw was an LSW who had also been to seminary. She was a godsend and I think she saved my life.  I saw her once a week for 2 1/2 years.  I  moved away and found another after a couple of tries. You have to find someone that fits for you. Don't get discouraged if your first visit with a therapist doesn't go well. Try another. Now I don't need to see one every week, but I know I can call her if I need an appointment. She knows me and that is important. "I don't have money or insurance," you might say. Ask around. Ask your pastor, rabbi, imam, or teacher. If you are a student, most schools offer some free therapy. There are free and reduced clinics. If you are depressed, you really need to see a professional.

3.  I have learned my limits. I am not a person who can get by on 4 hours of sleep a night. I have to have 7-8 or I can not function. Of course there were times in my life when this did not happen. But I have learned that I must catch up somehow. I don't feel guilty for napping.

4. I have learned to say no. I have to watch my stress level. If my schedule gets too busy, I get stressed. If I get too stressed, I get depressed. I have to say no often when it comes to church volunteering, etc, or extra work projects.

5. I have learned what relieves my stress and I practice those things regularly. It may take a while before you figure this out. It took me 2 years. I found that I love, love, love sewing, especially quilting. Getting immediate results from my efforts, seeing the beauty I create. You can see my projects at My quilt blog. I also need to exercise. I walk my dog, I do yoga, I ride my bike.

6. I speak out. Just about everyone who knows me knows I have depression. I do not tell people this so they pity me. I tell them so they don't get offended by my sad expressions. I want other people to know it is OK to be depressed, it is not a sin, it is not shameful.

7. I stay connected to a healthy community of faith. I could not survive without my church. Not all churches are safe places for depressed people. If you do not feel safe in your church, it may be time to seek another.  A safe church for a depressed person is one that allows that person to feel sad. If I do not feel like singing in worship, no one expects me to. My pastor says from the pulpit, "Worship in the way you feel comfortable." Sometimes I am too depressed to stand and sing. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry while others sing. My church leaders do not expect me to be someone I am not.

Easter 3C John 21 What Jesus does with failure

That night of arrest started out well for Peter. He cut off the guard's ear in defense of Jesus and then followed at a distance even after the others went away. But when he got to the courtyard where the soldiers were abusing his friend, he lost his nerve. When questioned about his association with this alleged criminal, in the heat of the moment, he chose the answers that would save his skin. According to the Gospel of John, this story is the 3rd appearance Jesus had to his disciples. Peter has seen Jesus. Yet obviously Jesus thinks Peter needs some reassurance that he is forgiven. So Jesus comes to meet Peter where he had first met him. On the shore of the lake.

Seven of the disciples have traveled the 2 day journey back home…back to Galilee, back to familiar faces and familiar smells of the sea. Peter says, "Let's go fishing." I don't know if any of you have ever been criticized for going fishing, but poor Peter and six have been torn apart for that fishing trip for 2000 years. Poor guys. Probably they just wanted the familiar…after the worst week of their life, why should they not do something to keep busy? But many, many people have said this is a sign those 7 gave up after Jesus died. He told them to fish for people but instead they go back to the fish. But really, I think it is ok, Peter, it's ok that you wanted to go fishing. Don't grief counselors advise that we return to our comforting routines after loss? It's ok. Go fishing. Even if they were trying to run from their assignment to do Jesus' work, guess what? Jesus found them where they were.

When we return to the familiar after living so long at the forefront of life…Jesus will find us there.


When are you going to stop looking at your failures and look at me instead? When are you going to feed my sheep?

When are you going to stop looking around at what the others are doing and do what I ask you, Peter?

So what did Peter do?
1. Preached message at Pentecost
2. Went to jail for healing a crippled man and was flogged
3. Arrested again and rescued by an angel
4. Baptized the first non-Jewish believers.
5. Led the council at Jerusalem where it was decided that we didn't need to be Jewish to be Christian.
6. Wrote 2 New Testament books
7. Is credited with being the "rock" of the church.


Jesus sits across the table from you. You have failed. Whether it was simply a test or a serious sin or betrayal, his response will always e the same as that of the one he gave Peter. Feed my sheep. Get back to work. It's not over. You are not going back to what you did before. I have called you. I have given you a purpose greater than you ever dreamed possible. You are valued, skilled, and you are just what I need for this task. You will put aside your insecurities and go forward, doing my work and you will be remembered as one who did not let their failure stop them.

When I was a senior, I encountered my most difficult class to date. Church History Raise your hand if you have taken that class. I studied until my eyes were about to drop out of my head for the crazy tests and would make a barely passing D. After making A's and B's in all of my classes until I reached this one, my self esteem began to suffer and I began to question whether I was cut out for this thing we call college. Yet one day one of my other professors said, "We don't hold it personally against you when you make low grades." I had realized I was ashamed of my low grades…and I was trying…but I kept going and even though I never brought that grade up as high as I wanted it, I kept going.

Jesus wants us to give people the same chances he gives to them. We don't want to do this, usually, until we experience failure ourselves and want forgiveness.

I used to judge people who claimed depression and their reason for not working. A friend of mine lost his job and became seriously depressed to the point he would spend days doing nothing. In my counseling with him, I encouraged him to keep trying and to feel better….but in my heart of hearts I judge saying, why don't you get off your backside and go find another job?

Until one day depression struck me. I found myself on the floor in a fetal position unable to work. I had managed to get 2 college degrees by the age of 23, become ordained at 24, married, had 2 children, and was pastoring a church. I was superwoman. Yet I could not work. I felt I had failed. I hated myself and what I had become. I tried a long time to simply hide it. I only broke down when alone. And I remembered judging someone else for the same thing and I did not want to be judged. I sat in front of my therapist and told her the same. She said you are in school to learn how to respond to people who feel the same way you do.

And as I walked along the shore of Galilee with Jesus after eating that fish and bread in the cool morning fog, I heard him say, do you love me?
Yes
"Feed my sheep."
But I have failed you, Jesus.
I am not worthy of feeding your sheep or anyone else's.

Do you love me?Yes, of course.
Feed my sheep.

I have failed.
Do you love Jesus?Only you know the answer to the question.
Jesus asks DO YOU LOVE ME? DO YOU LOVE ME? DO YOU LOVE ME?
If your heart is crying out right now YES
Then he is asking you to move forward. Keep going. Finish the semester. Finish the year. Finish the course. Keep the faith. Leave behind the failure. Think of it only as a bump in the road that drew you closer to him. Get to work.

On April 21, 2004, Jennifer Hudson stood before the judges and world on American Idol. She saw the score and realized she was voted off the show, finishing seventh out of twelve. I don't know how she felt but I can only imagine how her heart sank all the way to her shoes and she may have wondered if she would ever face success.

But most of you know but to Jennifer Hudson that was a small bump in the road. In December 2005 she landed the role of Effie White the smash hit movie Dreamgirls and recorded the famous song "And I'm telling you I'm not going, which hit the top 20." She received 29 awards for that role including an Academy Award and a Golden Globe.

I can hear Peter singing to the disciples after that conversation with Jesus.
"And I'm telling you I'm not going."
But Peter let's go fishing
"And I'm telling you I’m not going"
But Peter let's forget about this discipleship stuff. It may get us killed.
"And I'm telling you I'm not going."
I'm staying in this faith. I'm staying as a disciple
. I'm staying in relationship with this Jesus I betrayed.

He could only say this to that group that knew what he had done in the courtyard when faced with the question did he know Jesus?
Only because of what Jesus had said to him that day at dawn by the Sea of Galilee and what he says to us.

Tear down the mountains,Yell, scream and shout.You can say what you want,I'm not
walkin' out.Stop all the rivers,Push, strike, and kill.I'm not gonna leave
you,There's no way I will.

(From And I'm telling you I'm not going Written by Tom Eyen and Music by Henry Krieger)

And I'm telling you
Jesus will never give up on you.